We tend to feel guilty about being happy when someone we know is in pain.
We feel callous, insensitive and cruel when we rejoice or bask in our joy as the world experiences different states of unrest or strife.
Yet, your happiness does not deny another’s pain.
You can be happy and compassionate of others.
You do not have to choose one feeling over the other.
You can feel and be both.
It’s not a notion of extremes nor mutually exclusive.
Both states of being are possible and plausible and a nod to the complex beauty of human emotions.
Here’s what I know and believe to be true:
Feeling good feelings leads to more feel-good-feelings.
Feeling good thoughts leads to more feel-good-thoughts.
And feeling good leads to lots of other reasons to feel good.
Therefore, if I allow my outlook, mood and energy to be permanently sunk because someone else is having a not-so-good moment, day, month, year or life, then we BOTH lose ourselves in upset. There is no creative control in that reaction. We both, for a period of time, cut ourselves off from the happiness, joy and prosperity that is always available to us if only we remain focused on seeking and finding reasons to feel good or a bit better.
This is not to suggest that we do not respond with compassion, empathy and sensitivity to the person at hand–of course we do! Rather, we don’t let the upset or concern we feel in the person’s company color our whole day, or in some cases, life. Situations don’t need to control our feelings. Our feelings can control our relationship with situations. With proper practice, we can become masterful at recognizing when it’s time to shift our emotional focus. Thereby allowing ourselves the experience of being supportive to those who are meaningful to us, as well as being happy. We get to choose and create joy.
Being in a powerful relationship with your emotions is entirely possible, and the next quantum leap for humanity. For at the moment, many on the planet don’t possess this dynamic with their feelings. Someone we love or admire is upset, and we get sucked in, unnecessarily making their pain our pain. There is not an individual who doesn’t, can’t, and will not impact the greater whole. Surely, after the recent health crisis you do see this?
For it’s most certainly true, there is nowhere we can go where we are not affected by another. The reality of our interconnectedness has never been so clear. An event in China quickly arrived at the world’s front door. An evident example of how not separate we are. Yet, let’s go back to you, for there is no expectation that you now go “out there” to save the world. Rather, know that the most significant gift we can provide the mental health and well-being of humanity is to pay attention to and focus on developing a powerful relationship with our own feelings. The Universe never sees our thriving as callous, no matter what is going on around us. In fact, the more we thrive, the more we can help make the world a better place. So, this is a positive all around!
Begin there. Begin at home and trust that self-love and regard will stretch to every nook and corner of the planet! It cannot not do so. Isn’t this just a glorious gift of inner knowing? As love, emotional relief and understanding is provided by you and for you, you are saving the world! How’s that for a win/win resolution?
Warmly,
P.P.S. THE REAL PARTY IS OVER ON INSTAGRAM!
LET’S CONNECT!
Dr. Dowling has spent years helping people live richer, more joyful lives. She has seen firsthand the magical pairing of psychology and life coaching, which allows people to access their happiest selves.
View Dr. Dowling's articles on Mindbodygreen
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