Welcome back to yet another Dazzle of the Day! Today, we’re talking about the somewhat touchy topic of problems and problem solving. Have you ever thought of problems as a controversial topic? Indeed, they are! For although we desire to be “problem free,” people take great pride in being a “good problem solver.” Oh my, how we puff our chests out and proclaim with hubris and self-exaltation what excellent problem solvers we are and aspire to be! And yet, the more we call our attention to and therefore focus on finding and solving problems, the more problems we tend to find/attract and then “have to” solve.
If we want to be problem free, friends, we need to redirect our focus away from the problems we think we must solve, have or wish not to have and onto the “brighter side of things.” For problems cease to be problems when we don’t treat them as such. In truth, most circumstances we think are a problem are not a problem but we’re in the habit of thinking of them as such and so the problem-like-energy snowballs into bigger problems to solve.
Why is this, you may ask? Why does viewing, speaking and thinking about my problems as a bother, worry and frustration attract more problems, or, in the case of this analogy, cause the snowball to grow larger and larger? Great question. This occurs because The Law of Attraction clearly states: Like attracts like, and we get more of whatever we are focused on. Therefore, if we’re focused on finding and solving problems, we find them and then more of them and even more of them. We insist we didn’t do anything to deserve this, and yet we keep saying: “This is such a problem, and now I need to go fix this issue.”
But I can’t just expect to have no problems, Danielle, you may say. Life will always have problems I must anticipate, right? Yes and no. Just as we cannot ask the waves on the ocean to stop, similarly we cannot expect the “waves of life” to halt, either. And yet, we also need not stand there and be plummeted by them. In very plain language, we owe it to ourselves, our quality of life and well-being to transform “problems” into doorways of self-understanding and insight.
Let us neutralize the word and experience of “problems” and re-label the word as contrast. Yes, problems are just contrasts presented to us by life as an opportunity to get to know ourselves better. To further understand what we would like to create more of or less of. A contrast (aka problem) arises, usually due to a habitual thought pattern we hold.
For example: if one believes: I always hit a lot of traffic on the way to work, then traffic will show up. If one believes, I’m always late. There is never enough time in the day. Then one will always run out of time.
If one believes:
Dating is difficult,
They are never chosen,
Money is hard to come by,
I’m not a good saver,
I always get the worst managers, etc., then those situations will show up, because whatever we are focused on with strong, practiced belief shows up.
Problems in the oddest and truest of ways are GIFTS! Yes, gifts! They give us the chance to come into the awareness that we don’t like this and would like to create something different for ourselves so that we may live the life of our dreams. People get stuck when a contrast occurs. Rather than seeing the contrast as an opportunity to shift one’s thinking, believing and speaking to what one would like more of (money, love, community, an easy and effortless commute) one digs into the dissatisfaction of the problem. We pay even MORE ATTENTION to “what a problem this is!” One wants ease and grace and love, but the focus is on how one doesn’t have ease, grace and love—only the lack of it. Therefore, the lack of it shows up again and again and again.
If one would like to have less problems, then we must practice recognizing that we don’t have a problem to solve as much as we have a choice to make. The choice to begin distinguishing and paying more attention to what one would prefer and enjoy—rather than disappearing into the quicksands of problem solving. Thereby, today’s Dazzle of the Day:
Here is the process I (try my best) to follow when a contrast I don’t like arises:
- State out loud: I don’t have a problem. I have a choice.
- State out loud again: This is a chance for me to get to know myself better.
- Ask: Do I want more of this or less of this?
- Ask: What would I like most?
- If what I want seems out of reach, I use the precepts: Maybe it’s possible or Wouldn’t it be nice if? For example: Maybe it’s possible to have an easy and effortless commute. Wouldn’t it be nice if my children went to bed tonight with less of a fight? Wouldn’t it be nice if my knees, hips, feet felt that much better tomorrow?
And yes, there will most likely be action steps to take in “the real world’ as well to help resolve the problem. Yet, don’t think what a problem this is as you take those steps, because that will lock you in the frame of mind of “problems,” therefore generating more problems.
Think instead: I appreciate this opportunity to get to know myself. This probably isn’t as big of a deal as I think. Everything always works out for me in time. Good to know this now so I can go forward and create more of what I do want!
And here is the greatest gift of all: As one goes about with the intention of seeking and finding the brighter side of things, less and less problems will appear. The predominant practiced focus and therefore vibration will be: Everything is always working out for me. Therefore, it will.
I love you so,
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Dr. Dowling has spent years helping people live richer, more joyful lives. She has seen firsthand the magical pairing of psychology and life coaching, which allows people to access their happiest selves.
View Dr. Dowling's articles on Mindbodygreen
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