Having and attracting what you want has very little to do with self-love.
And yet, specifically around Valentine’s Day, there’s a slew of well-intentioned suggestions on how to love yourself more, so you can attract what you desire.
I don’t believe this is true.
The constant repetition to women, in particular, to “love yourself first and all will come to you” is inaccurate.
I believe you love yourself.
Sufficiently, I might add.
You and those seeking self-awareness and understanding love yourselves already, or you wouldn’t be doing what you’re doing in terms of bettering yourselves. Yes?
So what’s the missing piece?
How and when and where does one fall short in being self-regarding and honoring in such a way that it’s confused with lack of self-love?
It is a matter of self-worth and value.
Many don’t believe they’re worthy of what they want. Perhaps after more hard work, accomplishing and achieving, yes, but not yet. In this place of scarcity, one temporarily holds themselves apart from all they desire.
The practice of being self honoring and respecting is a deep one that calls for patience and time, and yet, this analogy will make the point well! Imagine you have come into the possession of a 10 carat diamond ring!
Oh, how the heart skips a beat! Beams of brilliant light sparkle about as the sun playfully catches the different facets in the ring. The beauty of it on your finger, the precision of the cut and the craftsmanship speaks for itself!
Now, would you let this ring sit haphazardly about? Would you let all your friends borrow it and your three-year-old play with it during bath time? No! You would not, because you recognize the value and worth of this piece of jewelry. Most likely it would have a specially assigned jewelry box and no one would be borrowing it, let alone a child.
In this and many cases, we treat the diamond ring with more regard and respect than we treat ourselves!
You and your dreams, talents and desires are the 10 carat diamond ring! And yet, how often we treat ourselves as the toss-away, twenty-five cent ring from the bubble gum machine! Say it with me: “I am the 10 carat diamond ring, and I will treat myself and my desires with the same, if not more, regard and honor as an object I admire.”
Isn’t it a relief to know it has nothing to do with self-love and everything to do with remembering and practicing your already present value?
Consider repeating the below to yourself and pay attention to how you FEEL when you do.
“My time is valuable.”
“My talents are valuable.”
“My energy is a valuable.”
“My love is a valuable.”
“My abilities are a valuable.”
“My everything is valuable!”
Dr. Dowling has spent years helping people live richer, more joyful lives. She has seen firsthand the magical pairing of psychology and life coaching, which allows people to access their happiest selves.
View Dr. Dowling's articles on Mindbodygreen
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